MINI Clubman Battery Replacement... Really?

"Shane Moore" (snakesm13)
10/13/2020 at 19:33 • Filed to: None

Wife’s 2017 Clubman wouldn’t start so I was going to take out the battery over lunch. Easy right? See that little red cap? The battery is under that. So I started taking things apart and realized it ain’t coming out from the top as there is a strut tower brace above it. Off to YouTube. Step 1. Remove intake. WHAT?!?!

I’m fully aware I shouldn’t be doing car surgery with the little one watching with wide eyes.

And everything between there and the windshield cowling, including a little wall in front of the battery to slide it out. Perfect.

Took it to O’Reilys to get a replacement. Conveniently the stock battery is 80aHr but all they carried was 70aHr no problem right? Wrong, I had BimmerCode from my i3 so I had to change the battery size using that. Then you have to register the battery. Sweet I have BimmerCode but that app doesn’t do the registering of the battery that is an app called BimmerLink from the same developer. It’s $32.99 still cheaper than the $80-$200 that the dealership charges to register the battery. Why does my wife love the funky difficult cars?

Also Sunday night the A/C drain in my house overflowed all over the wood floors.for how long? No clue it was seeping from underneath. Not my week and it’s only Tuesday.

DISCUSSION (67)

sony1492 > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 19:52

Id like to take a moment of silence for you, as a Mini owner.

Shane Moore > sony1492
10/13/2020 at 19:53

3 Tres THREE!!!! Time MINI owner.

This is what we'll show whenever you publish anything on Kinja: > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 19:54

Kinja'd!!!

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 19:59

That is a stupid place to put a battery

sony1492 > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 19:59

Masochist

Shane Moore > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles
10/13/2020 at 20:01

I thought for sure it was going to be in the boot.

Shane Moore > sony1492
10/13/2020 at 20:06

That’s the word.

The BMW engine has really helped with the reliability aspect which means the bar was set awfully low.

jminer > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:06

You have to register a battery in the Mini? I could see it in the i3, but not a gas hatchback.

I pity your poor soul.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:09

I’ve asked it before, and I know the true answer is “to make more money on service and parts” but I will ask again: *WHY* does a BMW product have to have a new battery registered and it’s capacity set in the ECU via proprietary software? *WHY*???? My Hyundai Kona and Ford F150 both have smart alternators and highly electronic vehicle systems. H eck, the F150 even has vehicle start-stop and uses a deep-cycle AGM battery... D o either of those vehicles require a battery to be registered and it’s capacity entered into the system? NO! Both of them are entirely capable of monitoring the well known, well documented, and predictable voltage, internal resistance, and current of a lead-acid battery in order to manage charge, discharge, and optimization of battery life without ANY user input about the battery’s size or age.

Also: T hat’s a stupid place for a battery, and I say that as a person who has owned an Alfa Romeo 164-S.

Kiltedpadre > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:13

If she plans to keep it I’d buy some cable and move that sucker to the trunk. Unfortunately I bet the BMW in it would recognize the super long leads and refuse to start.

The Snowman > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:15

So glad I convinced my wife to sell her “Smurfette” ( Ice blue cooper s) before the repairs started getting to us. That thing was a nightmare to work on and I'm not the kind of person to pay a mechanic.

Cash Rewards > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:17

Thats where my old 2005 Cooper S had it, thank god

Cash Rewards > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:18

Wait, the headlights don't go up with the bonnet? what the hell?

50ford500 > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:20

The fact the battery is nigh impossible to access is ridiculous. The fact they make you register it via either a special tool or the dealer is even worse.

flatisflat > sony1492
10/13/2020 at 20:24

The MINI is a quirky lil bastard, but I’m on my 2nd Clubman S and I’ve had my current one for a longer stint than the last many number of cars I’ve owned. And besides coils and the high pressure fuel pump (neither issue has left me stranded), it’s been rather reliable. But still, a quirky, finicky lil bastard.

Shane Moore > Cash Rewards
10/13/2020 at 20:30

I know! That was one of my favorite thing on the 08 Cooper we had, that blank plastic stare it had with the hood up.

Shane Moore > jminer
10/13/2020 at 20:32

Yeah apparently BMW thinks it’s smart enough that if you tell it the size, type and date of replacement that it can adjust the charging to optimize battery life. Yet this one died in 3.5 years. Seems pretty average.

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:32

My wife has a Countryman of that vintage as well.

EVERY SINGLE THING about the battery repair and swap is nutty.

Typical BMW though. I bet they could over-complicate a turn signal. Oh, wait. Bad example...

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:34

In fairness, the wife’s car has over 120K miles on it...and it’s been the most reliable car she’s ever owned. But, yeah, she’s had Jags, two Rovers and assorted Brit junk.

sony1492 > flatisflat
10/13/2020 at 20:37

Mine may have been a particular lemon. An 09 jcw

Kinja'd!!!

Timing chain was replaced twice before 65k, I replaced it a third time when the head needed to be rebuilt from bent exhaust valves and bad stem seal, the turbo needed replacing, hpfp went bad, and it had boost issues for the entirety of my ownership. I literally got less then 100 miles with full power and no limpmode or boost issues. Bought it at 80k and paid to get rid of it around 115k.

That limp mode noise will haunt me forever

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t
10/13/2020 at 20:37

Kinja'd!!!

dumb, but not THAT dumb. (No, it’s not in the easy place)

P.S. It’s HUGE. Absolutely fucking GIGANTIC. My joke was always that if the engine died the battery was big enough to drive it home on the starter motor. -when I replaced mine the guy at the autoparts store said “W e don’t carr y batteries that big. I’ll have to special order it... have you tried the heavy truck dealership down the road?”

Shane Moore > Kiltedpadre
10/13/2020 at 20:38

If I did it again I could probably have it out and back in in less that 20 minutes. It’s maybe 12 bolts. But still it’s the principle of the thing.

Shane Moore > This is what we'll show whenever you publish anything on Kinja:
10/13/2020 at 20:41

To be fair every thing came apart like legos. Legos with bolts and nuts. So maybe more like technic. But straight forward once I saw what needed to be done.

Shane Moore > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t
10/13/2020 at 20:44

I believe that is most of the reason. If you get the battery replaced at MINI they do not charge for the registering of the battery. Just the cost of the battery and labor which was reasonable at $275 a couple years ago. If the registering is really to optimize the charging cycle of the battery, it does a poor job of only lasting 3.5 years.

Shane Moore > flatisflat
10/13/2020 at 20:46

What years?

We’ve had:

2008 Cooper s

2015 Cooper

2017 Clubman All4

Shane Moore > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish
10/13/2020 at 20:48

It’s the wooorrsssttt. Turn signal that is.

Most every MINI I’ve driven has been a hoot so it makes up for a bit of the heartburn.

Shane Moore > sony1492
10/13/2020 at 20:54

The warning sound in my Touareg V10 was the same for low fuel as it was for total air suspension failure or limp mode. I don’t think I can own another VW as long as they use the same sound.

SiennaMan > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:55

I was thinking this placement is stupid, but I think I’m starting to get it. The battery is a big lump of lead, rather heavy for it’s size, right? By moving it to the back of the engine, t hey’ve improved weight distribution, thereby improving handling. After all, on literally every car I’ve ever looked at, it’s damn near over the front bumper. Easy to service, but you’ll never get to 50-50 with a lump of lead hanging out in front of the front axle.

flatisflat > sony1492
10/13/2020 at 20:56

Awwww, that sounds AWFUL. My 2013 Scion FR-S was a bad experience and kinda put the nail in the coffin for Subarus for me (all its issues were engine-related), so I know the feels!

jminer > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 20:57

That's well under average for a battery. Should last 5 years at least and 7 isn't out of possibility if it's driven regularly and had a healthy charging system.

Shane Moore > SiennaMan
10/13/2020 at 21:00

Hey hey hey! You get out of here with your logic.

That’s actually a pretty good point I hadn’t thought about .

flatisflat > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 21:02

‘11 Clubman S and now a ‘12 Clubman S. The ‘11 got side-swiped on the highway and totalled so I only had it for I think 6 months or so. I’ve had the ‘12 for 4 years now and around 50k miles; currently at 103k.

ranwhenparked > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 21:08

Mind is underneath the spare tire in my trunk. I thought that was a ridiculously stupid and inconvenient spot, but will now shut up and never complain again.

This is what we'll show whenever you publish anything on Kinja: > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 21:16

Made to be serviced, at least.

SiennaMan > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 21:40

I gotta admit, I felt very wrong when it all hit me...

VincentMalamute-Kim > SiennaMan
10/13/2020 at 22:00

That is smart weight distribution. But my Audi B5 S4 also has the battery between the firewall and the engine and you just pull it up and out like any other battery.

OTOH, the entire engine is forward of the front axle. So much for weight distribution :(

shop-teacher > SiennaMan
10/13/2020 at 22:39

You're not wrong, but it doesn't have to be this hard. My wife's Mazda has the battery in a similar location. It takes three minutes with a 10mm socket to change.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > SiennaMan
10/13/2020 at 23:07

With that logic, why not make it accessible via the passenger footwell?

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > Shane Moore
10/13/2020 at 23:08

I’ve never gotten used to the turn signal action. Ugh.

CobraJoe > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 00:12

Sounds exactly like the B6 passage I had to clean the intake valves on. Unnecessarily complicated, but extremely logical.

Only an noying thing was an M10 triple square socket was required. However, i found a torx bit that fit perfectly.

sn4cktimes > SiennaMan
10/14/2020 at 01:51

Probably the reason so many people relocate a battery to the rear in old heavily modified cars.

Forrest > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 02:31

I replaced the battery on our R56 Mini a few years ago. I didn’t do the code thing. It runs fine. *shrug*

That car is quite a pain to work on. One time, the thermostat was leaking. I had to remove about 6 layers of wiring and other debris to get to it. Then, I had to remove a bunch of hoses from the thermostat while barely being able to see what I was doing. Then it was time to remove the thermostat bolts using an extension with a wobble. Then... remember how all that crap goes back together. Everything is on top of everything else in that engine bay. It took me 7 hours, including multiple trips (using a different car of course) to get tools.

Shane Moore > Forrest
10/14/2020 at 09:13

I changed the timing chain tensioner on our R56 once, arm looked like it had been attacked by a feral cat afterwards from the reaching into spaces I couldn’t see. If it was my car, I don’t think I would worry about registering it, since its my wife’s I feel safer doing everything by the book because she may not let me know there is a problem until its a problem...

Shane Moore > SBA Thanks You For All The Fish
10/14/2020 at 09:16

I actually damaged the rim on my wife’s MINI because I was going through a drive-thru and accidentally hit the turn signal and was distracted by trying to turn it off but it turned on the other blinker that I scraped the curb...

and 100 more > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles
10/14/2020 at 11:41

I mean, when you consider that Minis are small to begin with, have a very sloped hood, and the space above the transmission in a transverse arrangement is usually wasted space anyway, it kinda makes sense from a packaging and mass-centralization standpoint.

Still a pain in the ass to change out, but no more than a Dodge Avenger:

A bit less messy, at least.

SBA Thanks You For All The Fish > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 12:11

I believe it. It’s very distracting when a 8 0 year old control system starts doing exactly the opposite of what it’s being commanded to do.

hillrat > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 15:23

There’s so much WTF in this post my brain is cramping. You have to do what when you change the battery? Register the battery? What? Why?

I swear, car company execs are gonna be the first ones up against the wall when the revolution comes.

dieseldub > SiennaMan
10/14/2020 at 15:25

With normal RWD BMWs, they have a penchant for putting the battery at the back of the car for weight distribution purposes... Kinda surprised they couldn’t find a way to do that with the Mini. Some of their other models the thing is basically under the floor in the trunk. Some Audis put it enclosed underneath the spare tire.

dieseldub > Forrest
10/14/2020 at 15:33

They’ll operate just fine, sure. It’s just a way for the computer to keep track of the state of the battery AND it also has control over how much voltage the alternator puts out. So, when it knows the battery is old, it actually starts trying to overcharge it a bit, sending more voltage than normal to try and keep the thing limping along. It can also begin to shut off some electronic functions based on the concern for the battery not being able to hold a charge adequately.

Registering the battery, especially after one that was completely flat, kind of resets everything. The charging system won’t try to charge to aggressively and all the features that had been intermittently turned off out of battery consumption concerns are re-enabled.

Then once re-registered, I’d go and clear the low voltage codes/function restricted due to low voltage codes in various modules, and that puts everything b ack to normal.

Yep... that’s the reality of working on modern cars. Hard to get away without having a specialized scan tool for the brand that can go way above and beyond the standardized OBD2 engine and transmission codes and live data.

Future next gen S2000 owner > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 15:36

Why do you have to pay to register the battery?

Shane Moore > hillrat
10/14/2020 at 15:39

Dieseldub had a pretty good explanation about it. Basically if the vehicle knows the battery is old it will try to adjust the charging system to overcharge it in order to keep it limping along. It can also turn off some systems in order to not pull so much on the battery. The only problem is there was no indication there was any low voltage situations according to my wife.

Shane Moore > Future next gen S2000 owner
10/14/2020 at 15:41

If you don’t buy the battery from the dealership (ours is 127 mile away), Then you pay for the time it takes for the technician to hook up his computer and the time throughout the life of the computer to keep up with updates and R&D for the built in diagnostics and the CEO’s assistant to get him coffee and his janitor to clean his in office toilet. You know standard stuff.

Future next gen S2000 owner > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 15:55

You don’t just unhook the positive and negative, put in new battery, and then hook it back up?

What kind of monster designed that system?

Kinja'd!!!

hillrat > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 15:57

Ugh! This sounds really cool in theory but it’s a perfect example of “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” How about a low voltage warning and keep it moving?

I work in IT and I have a spent a lot of time in meetings saying, “Yo, this does sound cool but what happens when [interdependency that’s certain to fail] happens?”

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 19:59

This is the perfect reason to have the battery in the trunk if the designers are really concerned with handling dynamics.

At least simple tools were all that you needed.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 20:17

Ok, so here’s the thing: The chemistry of lead-acid batteries is exceptionally well understood and documented. By monitoring the voltage, internal resistance, and current output of a lead-acid battery (of any type) it is possible to determine the (charge) age, health and performance from these data points (coupled with ambient temperature, which all modern cars know due to fuel system data, even if they don’ t have user-level temperature displays) *MORE ACCURATELY* than with data such as “date of install” and “rated capacity”. Nearly every other manufacturer on earth uses systems that read and evaluate these inputs in order to optimize battery performance and longevity TO GREAT SUCCESS. BMW does this to fuck over the consumer. There is literally *NO* valid scientific reason to require this. NONE.

Shane Moore > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t
10/14/2020 at 20:24

Is it possible that since it’s an AGM which can dry out if charged at an incorrect rate/voltage and the fact that unlike flooded batteries, AGMs basically discharge at the same rate for 98% of the charge and fall off a cliff for the last 2% whereas a normal car battery just slowly discharges at essentially the same rate until the voltage drops below a usable voltage, and also lets see how long I can make this run on sentence; with incorrect punctuation!

Thisismydisplayname > Future next gen S2000 owner
10/14/2020 at 20:51

Zee Germans, that’s who. Same with Audi, they have power management and you need to give the computer a new serial number so it realizes you put in a new battery so it can learn that batteries charge and drain characteristics.

Thisismydisplayname > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t
10/14/2020 at 20:53

Audi too, you need to input a different serial number to get the system to learn the new battery.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 21:21

My 2018 Ford F150 also uses an AGM battery. The chemistry of lead-acid batteries is *so* well understood that that there is no valid scientific explanation for this requirement. I own a $45 chinese multi-chemistry battery charger that understands how to charge a depleted AGM battery. BMW has no leg to stand on here.

Shane Moore > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t
10/14/2020 at 21:36

I do know that the solar controllers we use at work have a jumper you remove if using flooded or leave installed if AGM. If the jumper is missing on an AGM you would be guaranteed to be changing that battery in 6 months . BUT that is a $100 solar controller, I would expect BMW to be much more advanced and be able to tell without any intervention as you mentioned.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > Shane Moore
10/14/2020 at 21:41

T he difference between an AGM and flooded battery is valid when talk ing about deep cycle usage , but even so, if the manufacturer specs an AGM battery, they system should understand how to deal with it, and vice versa.

facw > dieseldub
10/14/2020 at 22:16

Or they could just put it on an easy to use menu now that all cars have fancy infotainment. Who needs expensive proprietary interface devices (other than people who sell expensive proprietary interface devices).

Wacko > Future next gen S2000 owner
10/15/2020 at 09:25

Fuck BMW

dieseldub > facw
10/15/2020 at 12:03

Whatever they can do to make it more difficult for the DIYer and independent shops, they will do so. At the same time, the complexity we’ve gotten, I kind of understand why they’d do that. It does become a bit too easy to screw things up. But being an independent repair shop myself who tries to keep on top of these crazy details I will always advocate for them to keep the information openly available to anyone who wants to tackle working on their own car or operate as an independent shop.

facw > dieseldub
10/15/2020 at 12:17

I really should do a Yes on 1 post for Massachusetts Oppos: https://massrighttorepair.org/

(Also yes on 2, but ranked choice voting is a bit less on brand for us).

Mercedes Streeter > SiennaMan
10/15/2020 at 12:41

...you’ll never get to 50-50 with a lump of lead hanging out in front of the front axle.

Mazda: Puts battery in boot.
BMW: Puts battery under just about everything in the engine bay.

Ah, Germany...over-complicating easy stuff. lol